I don't really know. I've thought it through, and well, it feels kind of odd to think that I'm half way through this journey- and, it feels great too. There was however no confetti cake for this girl- staying true to my roots German Chocolate was the flavor of this birthday.
At 45 I am comfortable in my body now, and life doesn't throw me around as much as it seems it used to, or maybe it does but I just go with it instead of fighting it. Should I be doing something wild and unexpected or do I reserve that for the big 50? I'm sure everyone goes through some passage right about now. I've lived half my life, now what? What contribution have I made, what contribution do I want to make... should I make...I have no offspring to leave behind... I am the end... do I need to leave something behind? Maybe I should just eat another piece of cake, go shopping with my birthday money and think about it later.
The one strange thought that crossed over me with this birthday is with the state of the world, and feeling like it is all shifting- getting ready to crumble and rebuild, I felt an odd recognition that I wont be here to see how the story ends- so to speak. I know the story will never end here on earth, but I was feeling sad to know that I won't get to (physically present) see how it all turns out, and I do really want to see what happens with humanity. Will we get it? Maybe I'll just have to negotiate coming back again. Or maybe another forty years will see a glimpse.
Hmmm... on to cake.
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